Post by evelyn gianna leilani on Nov 11, 2010 23:12:07 GMT -5
evelyn gianna leilani.
twenty. sophomore. waitress . erin heatherton.[/font][/i]
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JUNE 31, 2009
MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY RUINED. My worst fear has come true. I'm such a idiot. A stupid nineteen year old who has made the worse mistake of her life and now will be forced to pay for it. I'm so stupid. I can't believe I let this happen, and why? All because I was afraid to get fat, well I'm going to be fat now. Fuck my life. So Jasper, my boyfriend who I love and have been dating since the beging of the year, well he took me out for dinner about a month ago, and it was really nice. I had too much wine and we went back to his place and you know where this is going. Well stupid me, went off the pill because my hips were starting to look big.. So stupid Evie. I guess the condom broke and he didn't tell me, because three weeks later, here I am. I just got off the phone with the doctor, and she told me that the tests came back positive. I'm going to be a mother. I don't know what to do. I love kids, but I didn't plan on having them when I WAS STILL A TEENAGER. I wanted to be married, have a solid career before I even thought about them. But here I am, almost a month pregnant and scared out of my mind. I don't know who to tell first, I don't know what to expect either. Sympathy? Anger? I know that Jasper will probably want me to abort it, but I could never do that. I'm going to have this baby, that's for sure, I just don't know what I'm going to do after I have it.
JULY 7, 2009
Mom cried for nearly half an hour on the phone, which caused me to cry. Dad yelled at me about going and killing Jas, but that's the last thing I want. It's only been almost a year, but I feel like I would die without him. My parents are still really upset, especially Dad. He keeps going on about how he's going to kill the man who ruined his baby girl's future. It's sweet that he cares so much for me, and I do love him, but he fails to see that it's mostly my fault. Mom is a little excited. I can tell. She wants me to go back home so she can take me to all the appointments and help me shop for things. I'm only a little over a month, I haven't even started showing yet, but she acts like I'm about to give birth any second.
Jasper took the news pretty well. I went over, all teary eyed and he pulled me into a hug asking if everything was alright. I kind of lost it, and didn't know what to say. I almost chickened out, but I knew how unfair it would be to have his baby and not tell him. I debated just running back to Hawaii but I had to be strong. I told him and he got angry, not at me, at himself. He was blaming himself about being safer, and I tried to tell him I went off the pill, which made him angry, but he cooled off quickly, and just like I predicted, he asked how I was going to take care of it. I told him I was keeping it, and he yelled a bit. He wasn't ready to be a father, blah blah blah. That made me cry, since I was emotional from all the hormones and just really stressed, and he softened up right away when he saw me cry. I love him so much. He told me it was my decision, and he would stand by me no matter what, which was all I really wanted to hear from him.
I told Kay about everything. She was the first person I went too. My big sister, out of everyone I figured would be the one who I could count on the most. She was supportive, and everything, even though I could tell she wasn't too pleased that I was pregnant. But I wasn't exactly the happiest that she was pretty much drunk all time, whenever I saw her. I don't know if she was all there when I told her, to be honest. I wanted her to hear it from me, not my parents, and since she's the only family I have here in Nashville, I felt like it was the most appropriate thing. Besides, she's my best friend, who else would I have told first.
AUGUST 30
I've taken the year off. I can't go to school like this. I've started showing a bit, and mom keeps calling begging me to come home, but I can't leave Jasper. He's being so sweet and supportive with me right now.
DECEMBER 21
I want this baby out of me right now. I can't stand it anymore. I'm living with Jasper and I'm so fat. I can't see my feet and I'm 8 months. I eat like a pig, and just sit at home watching friends and eating whatever my fat ass can find in the fridge. The doctors have said that it's going to be a boy, I'm so happy. I can't deal with a little girl. Kayla and I were so crazy as kids, and half the stuff I've done... I just never want to have to deal with being a parent of a child whose done that. I've matured so much for my age. My twentieth birthday is only 2 months away, so hopefully this baby will be healthy and out of me by then. I'm scared for the birth. I want an epidermal but the needle is huge, and I don't want the drugs to hurt the baby. I think I'm being paranoid, but I'm not sure anymore. I've become so aware of my health, it's kind of scary. This baby is a huge reality shock.
FEBRUARY 9
I am no a mother... well technically three days ago I became one. Miles Preston Leilani was born a healthy 9 pounds and came out four days before he was due. He's the cutest little ball of fat I have ever seen, and Jasper actually cried when the baby was born. He's sleeping -both Jas and Miles, right now and he has a little baby blue hate on. I can feel as though I'm deflating a bit, but I still feel like a walrus. I'm going running everyday. I don't care if I don't sleep, I will get my body back.
March 1
I had the worst birthday ever. Jasper proposed and I freaked out. I feel terrible, but that proposal just felt like someone threw a blanket over me and was suffocating me. I couldn't breath, and not in a good way. I almost fainted actually. It was so... I don't know, but I felt like there was no way I could get my life back if I was married. Jasper flipped when I said I need to think about it, and yelled, which woke Miles up. By the way, babies are so exhausting to take care of. Jasper told me he wasn't going to sit around and play baby daddy with some girl he wasn't married to. So I told him to leave, and that we were through. I don't know if it was just shock because of the proposal or I just really didn't want to get married, but I knew that Jasper wasn't right for me anymore. I went home with Miles for a bit. Mom and Dad helped take care of him, and helped me find a place to stay. I can't say how much I love them. Money was really tight for me, so they helped me out. And yeah, here I am, a twenty year old mom..
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[/color]katie. nineteen. none.[/font][/i][/center]
