ROSEWOOD, DAHLIA AURELIE

[dahlia aurelie rosewood]

dahlia aurelie rosewood.

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eighteen. freshman. stripper. kaya scodelario.[/font][/i]

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dear diary,

"well behaved women, rarely make history."

see that there is my motto to life, i mean honestly i'd rather be known for being controversial and somewhat of a nutter, everybody knows those type of women are rarely forgotten, marilyn monroe, elizabeth taylor, cleopatra, bettie page and the list goes on and on. i'd rather be remembered and make my mark on this world with something controversial and being a bad girl, instead of being forgotten quickly and have had no real meaning to my life at all. lets be honest, being a bad girl is so much more fun. nice little first paragraph in this new diary of mine, just thought i'd let who gets to read this, get to know me a bit before i get into the real heavy shit of my life.

so lets get this started, i'm sitting here in my bed, writing in this diary for the first time, but i can't sleep and i mean i've owned it for a while now, since my birthday on the fourth of may. i thought, what is the point in wasting it, the diary is quite gorgeous to be honest and i suppose jotting down my life and feelings could be somewhat therapeutic, right? anyways, dahlia is the name, i suppose i'll start off with my history for the first entry and we'll go from there.

so, i was born in england and grew up in the country, i lived in a large estate that was practically in the middle of there, but not too far from bibury. the estate was gorgeous and was the rosewood home for generations, with a lot of history there. we had a large garden of roses in the back as well as a large lake not to far away. we were surrounded by rolling hills, that were bright healthy green, we had loads of trees surrounding our property. i was lucky to have grown up in such a beautiful, serene place. i was put into ballet with my both my siblings at the young age of five years old, my mothers wishes of course, i ended up loving it and have been doing it now for thirteen years, though i can't say the same for my siblings, i have an older brother and a little sister, only having a year difference from each of them we grew up very close. my brother, caspian, was a bit more of a homebody but i loved nature, so i remember forcing him and my sister, ophelia to go outside constantly with me to play in the garden, swim in the lake or play hide and seek. animals love me and its strange, deer are calm around me and don't run away, butterflies will land on me instead of freaking out and fluttering away as quickly as they can. i don't know why this is, maybe in my past life i was some sort of nymph or something, even if that crap doesn't exist, but i guess anythings possible, right? it was heaven, for anybody who loved nature like i did but it would all be shattered once i reached my mid-teens, all from the man i called my father.

don't get me wrong, what he did to me was horrible but he was never like what i'm about to tell you before. he was a wonderful father, spoiled all three of us rotten and treated us with as much love and kindness that any father should treat there child with. apart of me wants to hate him for what he did to me but then the other part can't just hate him, because it seems to be that he went off his rocker or something happened to him to make him this way, because i swear this man he became, was nothing that i ever could have imagined him becoming, not even in my most horrible nightmares. i remember the night it began like it had just happened.

i was out at the lake, disobeying his orders of course. he hated when i'd go out at night, worried someone would be watching me and coming to hurt me. he was paranoid that way even though we were miles from any other homes or towns. i was sort of skinny dipping because i thought everybody was in bed and then he came out of nowhere. he scolded me for being out and made me get out and promise to never come out again. at first he was his sweet usual self, but i remember i started getting a sick feeling at the pit of my stomach when i asked him not to look when i got out but he told me that he didn't mind seeing me without clothes, that he'd seen it all before, but really? maybe when i was a child and bathed but now that i was older it was completely different. once i had my gown on, he sort of grew angry, gripping me by the wrist and dragging me toward the house. i told him he was hurting me and kept trying to pull away and eventually he got frustrated and slammed me into a tree before he tore off my night gown, the sound of it ripping and my cries begging him to stop and screams were the only noise filling the silence of the night. it wasn't long before his clothes were off, and he forced himself on me. i could smell the alcohol on his skin, his groans were all that filled the silence now because i had long given up on fighting him.

once it ended he blamed me for it all. soon it became a constant hell in that house, the home that i used to be comfortable and peaceful in. whenever my mother wasn't around he'd do what he did that night, again and again. he'd beat me and call me horrible things. he broke me, damaged me completely. the one person i ever told was my brother, caspian but he couldn't handle it, he blamed me as well and never helped, just let it happen and didn't tell a soul. from then i kept my mouth shut because i didn't think anybody was going to help me, i trusted nobody and i still have those trust issues.

i still suffer from a lot of problems because of what he did to me. psychological. like i said, i don't trust anybody, i'm very neurotic and have some anger problems. i suffer from anxiety and depression and am popping a shit load of prescribed pills to cope. though, i swear to myself, i will never ever go to a therapist, i don't want this to get out, i don't want to ruin my father's life, my entire family. i don't want to be blamed and made to feel like i did something to provoke it. i just want it kept quiet. fuck, i'm really going to make sure this isn't read, not until i'm dead anyways. i sometimes wonder if my high sexuality and my seductive personality comes from what happened to me, that doesn't make sense does it? shouldn't it make me closed of, more scared of men? i don't know, i've never studied psychology, so...

it wasn't until i was eighteen that it ended, and the only reason it ended was because once i was accepted into university i decided to go to the one that was farthest away from him. somewhere where i could start over, when he found out i was going to go to belmont, which is located in nashville, tennessee, he told me he was going to cut me off, but i didn't care, i wanted to get as far away as possible. so i left anyways. my mother helped of course, she gave me just enough to pay for student housing and some to put in the bank so i could keep it for tuition and buying text books and numerous other things. so now i'm attending belmont university as a freshman. i live in a tiny dorm room with a roommate who i rarely talk to but so far life here is great, i'm happier, i suppose. i'm majoring in journalism and minoring in dance, ballet to be more specific, though my major is for my career and my minor is sort of just for personal enrichment though i get plenty of different genre's of dance in at my job.

my stage name is roxie, can you guess my job yet? there is a pole involved as well. that's right, i'm a stripper at indulgence, i mean hell, it makes good money and i'm not ashamed of it. it's one of those high end strip clubs, quite glamorous honestly. anyways, i need that money and being barely legal helps with the tips. i need that money to eat and just live, you know? i also put a shit load into my bank account with the money my mother gave me, just because i know that the money she gave me will be gone before i know it, so i really need to save up. its expensive to live now days, especially now that i live in america where the economy is in the shitter. i quite like my job to be honest, i like being admired and its not like i'm some nasty prostitute, its a classy joint and hell know i'm not fucking those randoms, just giving them some dances without a top on. no big deal, right? so don't judge me.

whatever, so i'm just growing up and trying to live my life. start new in the wonderful city of nashville. a place where i will be happy. if nobody likes it then, fuck them. i know one day i'll be a woman that girls will aspire to be. my past may define who i am today, but i'm one hell of a woman, that is for sure. i'm a sweetheart, i'm affectionate, caring and loving. i can't even eat meat because just the though of killing a poor defenseless creature for food disgusts me. i'm independent, hard-working, clever, loyal, reliable, responsible and selfless. so what if sometimes i'm a bit of a crazy bitch, insecure, and envious? but let's be honest here, what woman isn't?

we women rule the world. men just shit in it.

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that is all, bedtime.

xoxo, dahlia aurelie rosewood.

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angeline. twenty. none.[/font][/i][/center]